Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I think Karma's ready to pounce on these guys.

A few times in the past month, I have heard an interesting radio commercial for The Ashley Madison Agency. Of course, we all experience a variety of reactions to the different advertisements out there. Some make you smile, like the mildly cute and quirky Geico Gecko; some are annoying (Lucinda Bassett, I'm looking your way); some make me angry, like the ones for San Giuseppe wine (not only are they annoying, but wine should not need a radio commercial, which is why I refuse to ever try San Giuseppe); some are just too. Damn. Much. (I'm shaking my tiny fist at you, Brandsmart U.S.A!) And then there are ones like this Ashley Madison ad, that make me go wha?

What type of service does Ashley Madison provide?


Mmm-hmm. Affairs for married people who want a secret side dish. Or as the people at Ashley Madison like to call it, "married dating". Like so:

"Ashley Madison is the world's #1 Married Dating service specifically for ATTACHED men and women who are looking to have an Extra-marital Affair."

Or as I like to call it, "volunteer prostitution".

Apparently, it works like a dating service, but the members are mostly married people whose spouses are unaware of their membership. Basically, if it's not enough for you to just have an online affair, or an unexpected incident at your office party because you had too much schnapps, you can actively seek out someone on Ashley Madison to have sex with behind your partner's back. Finally! So long Craigslist!

Hmm. I don't want to judge, but this just strikes me as, eh, kinda dumb. If you want more excitement, go to the Spice of Life store and buy some whips. Rent some Japanese porn for you and your partner (no, really, dont. Please. Not the Japanese porn.) If you want to have sex with others,
talk your partner into having an open relationship. (Good luck with that one, by the way.) Join or form a swingers' club! (They were big in the seventies, I don't know what the hell happened.) It's extra-marital sex without the guilt! And you don't have to create a lame-ass profile to try convincing a stranger you're hot enough to have an affair with-- because you just know the only people on this site are those who can't manage an affair in person.

But. If you are going to have an affair behind your spouse's back, be bold and do it the old-fashioned way: pull a stranger into an elevator, make them feel happily violated until the fifteenth floor (but don't look them in the eye!), and walk out while smoking a cigarette.

The end.

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